The Category is: Gossip
What is gossip?
According to Webster's dictionary, gossip is defined as:
1: information about the behavior and personal lives of other people.
1a: a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others.
Whether you like to admit it or not, at some point in life, you've engaged in the gossiping process. I've been talked about and have had full blown fabricated stories made up about me; and have been embarrassed, angry and devastated by what was said. But who hasn't? I have also been the bearer of someone else's news, and can admit to not only adding a detail or two, better known as 'putting some stank on it,' in efforts to make my news a little juicier; but also enjoying the laughter and comradery that came accompanied it. Now, as a woman in her thirties, I am very aware of the power that my words have and how they can hurt others and backfire and hurt me. Knowing this, at times, I still find myself trying to justify my gossiping ways by saying "because I said it; or have no problem saying it to their face, it's not gossip, its honesty, so it's fine." This mindset is due believing that gossip was 'normal' and a right of passage for girls, based on how I interpreted what I saw growing up. Who doesn't remember their mother on the phone with their aunt, talking about everything or everyone in the family, at the church, or in the neighborhood? Or the family gatherings, when anyone with breast gathered in one space, most likely, the kitchen, to discuss and judge everything and, everyone, including themselves. It may sound weird to some, but I thought it was a beautiful bonding experience. It was rare to see all of the women in my family on one accord, laughing, crying, yelling and agreeing, and I appreciated and found unity, and beauty in those moments. I now know that was a toxic, learned behavior, a hurtful environment, and that I can not use my upbringing as an excuse to behave 'badly' as an adult.
As I stated above, gossip often is used as a bonding exercise. As lethal as that may be; many use someone else's business as bait to hook a new friend prospect their way. Others use it as a parting gift; exposing secrets once stored in the 'friendship vault.’ to annihilate their new 'enemy.' And we all know of someone who lives to tell other folks business for the sole purpose of masking their messiness. All reasoning doesn't matter to the person being reported about. It can be devastating and dangerous to play around with anyone's personal information and feelings; especially when gossip turns into lies, and defames someone's character. Personally, I don't have an angry reaction when I find out I have been the topic of someone's conversation. I may be alone here, but I don't mind being spoken about because I don't believe gossip has to be negative. Refer back to the top and reread; nowhere does it state in any of the definitions that gossip is hurtful or gloomy. If I don't mind that someone is sharing information about my success, how good I look, or anything considered positive, then how can I be mad if someone does the same and speak out my failures, how bad I look or anything deemed to be negative? For me, it's hypocritical and quite controlling to decide on what and when I'm reported about, other than my family, of course. Instead, I just opt to consider the source of the chitter-chatter and more often than not, they don't matter, so their words don't either. I now know who I am and have come a long way with my self-esteem and self-worth, that I now only worry about what I think and speak about myself. I also limit the time and energy I spend on others and their business. When you change your mindset and start your growth and purpose process, you'll be surprised how much time you no longer have to talk, care and worry about what others are doing and anything concerning their business.
Let me be clear, while I don't have a problem with gossip, lying and dehumanizing someone is a problem HUGE problem for me. I don't put them all in the same category, but I am aware that they are siblings, that can easily link, blur lines, and cause consequences and repercussions.
•Can gossip be positive?
•Can you believe anyone who claims they don't gossip?
•Do you gossip?
•Have you ever been hurt by gossip?
•Do you love to gossip?
Let's have some 'girl talk'
Coach Stefanie, Life Architect
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