You've put in 'work' to evolve, grow, and shed some of your old, not so mature ways of handling situations. You shed the skin of blame and no longer use your past, upbringing and all the horrible things you've witnessed, been and put yourself through as your justification to yell, curse, fight or make a scene. Defensive Jumping to conclusions; what's that? And then it happens; someone pushes your buttons and awakens your beast from its slumber; yes, your inner beast. The animal version of you that wasn't easy to train and put to sleep. The part of you that you fight with every fiber of your being. Great! Now I’m green, ripped my clothes and have become the Incredible Hulk!
You take several deep breaths; you muster the strength up from your toes to keep calm and not revert to the unladylike, scene making, aggressive person you used to be. You try hard to remember that "he who angers you controls you", and no one deserves that right or power over you. You try and remember how far you've come, and how proud of yourself you are. You try not to fade to black and stay present. You try, you try, and you try!
Sometimes, even most of the time, you succeed (Yay you!) And then there are those times you don't. You snap and temporarily have no control, at least that what it feels like and what you tell yourself for justification purposes. Again, (yay you!) Huh? Why would I celebrate 'bad behavior'? Because you failed and failure means there is a lesson on the horizon. You have emotions, feelings, boundaries, limits, and possibly some unresolved issues and triggers. Congratulations on being human and not being perfect. Perfection pressure is a highly overrated experience.
Limit your guilt and self-deprecation. Don't RSVP to the pity party. Use that guilty feeling as a guide to the lessons that need to be learned or relearned, so that the behavior isn't duplicated and then move on. Growth and evolution require us to take ownership of our actions and evaluate them so we can find the source of the pain. Paying attention inward is a necessary tool for conscious people to sharpen their awareness for self-inventory and self-forgiveness.
Transparency moment: My inner beast is a beautiful creature, who at times, is misunderstood. I can admit that there are times it feels good to let her out of her cage to roam free, exercise and get fresh air. She gets to stretch her legs and remind others that she shouldn't be disturbed and won't hesitate to eat their young, if necessary. In my case, my beast has protected me on more occasions than she's scared people. She makes me feel secure and reminds me that balance is key, and when accessed properly she will fill the room with a calm, powerful authority, so she can be admired for the beautiful lioness that she is.
In no way, shape or form am I condoning, approving, or justifying violence towards others in ANY WAY! What I am doing, is being open, honest and transparent about how aspects of our personalities that vary depending on the situations and circumstances; and can be shifted and trained vs. eliminated. Elimination can seem like an impossible, scary task for someone who's beginning their growth journey. While elimination is necessary for some unhealthy people, places, habits, and attributes, shifting is a tool, that present less fear and allows those seeking self-help not to feel as if they are erasing a part of who they are and helps find the control they crave.
The goal is to be a better person, never a perfect person.
Maybe one day, I'll be so evolved where nothing on earth will ever anger me. Until then, I'll accept and love myself and continue to grow.
Are you easily angered?
Have you learned what your triggers are?
Do you feel guilty when you 'snap'?
Let's have some 'Girl Talk'
Coach Stefanie, Life Architect
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